You Kinda Suck, Batman...

Long before I ever even thought of starting a blog, I wrote a response to a Nostalgia Critic video (that I won't link to because it's not that well-structured or written) that compared Tim Burton's '89 Batman with the then-recent release The Dark Knight. He favored the '89 film adaptation of the character, and I strongly begged to differ with that opinion. A key reason for my conclusion then and now is that I have never truly been susceptible to nostalgia. Or rather, I can separate my feelings of comfortable familiarity from the assessment of a work. You have to in order to truly see things for what they are...that's why I have a hard time with Batman '89. This movie is pretty awful.

Oh, don't play the victim here...

Halloween Horror Marathon 2014: I'm Usually Out of Clever Titles by Now...

This is a first. Every other year, the 3rd entry meant the end of the run had arrived and I was wrapping things up. Yet, here we are and I've already got a few more entries to add. At this rate of expansion, there's honestly no telling where I'll stop. I'll try to be reasonable though.

Huh...Not really sure what to say now. This has never happened before. Uhhh...

Who wants a hug...?

• No Prior knowledge of the movie
• No investigation into the movie
• I have to have never seen it OR not seen it recently enough to form an opinion
• Once the credits start (or I pass the 1:30 min. mark), there is NO TURNING BACK...
• No David DeCoteau movies
• And...*The Netflix Roulette Gambit* - After 10 movies, give the wheel a spin. Whatever unfamiliar title it lands on, I have to watch it

Where we'll stop? Nobody knows...

Halloween Horror Marathon 2014: Horror Soundtracks in Broad Daylight are Just Awkward

Man, this is nuts!! Just past the halfway point of the month, and I can guarantee that last year's record will be broken. And I haven't even had to fall back on Youtube or Hulu yet!!

It's becoming more widely known amongst people that know me that I do this every year, and the result is that many have and will make suggestions. I *LOVE* this!! It means that the people reading this are paying enough attention to know what titles are most likely unfamiliar to me! It means that people are reading this shit!!!! I can't thank you enough if you are. Keep those suggestions coming, and don't be afraid to go mainstream. Most of this stuff no one's ever heard of outside of the production teams that made it and no longer talk about it until a relative asks about "that movie you guys were making" at the Thanksgiving table--where all regrets resurface.

Exhibit A. The shame is palpable...

Anyhoo, let's get into it!

• No Prior knowledge of the movie
• No investigation into the movie
• I have to have never seen it OR not seen it recently enough to form an opinion
• Once the credits start (or I pass the 1:30 min. mark), there is NO TURNING BACK...
• No David DeCoteau movies
• And...*The Netflix Roulette Gambit* - After 10 movies, give the wheel a spin. Whatever unfamiliar title it lands on, I have to watch it

Let's see how deep the rabbit hole goes this time...

And Now for Something Completely Different...and Awesome!!

From time to time, I keep my mouth shut on certain matters out of...well, several reasons. Disgust, annoyance, apathy, distraction...any of a litany of responses, and that's why I've had nothing much to say about "Gamergate." The whole thing is just thinly-veiled misogyny from impotent man-children overreacting to a non-existent attack on the medium they grew up with. The thing is...We all did. Video games are a part of the culture that resonated with people across the board, not just the guys you grew up with. And while I could spiral into a tangent about the fetishization of the geek girl as a corollary, that's just a symptom of a problem that I don't even feel like addressing.

The very existence of this sock-puppet makes the case that you are, folks.

So why am I writing this? Because I feel like there hasn't been nearly enough focus on the positive things that the gaming community at large can do and is continuing to do in the wake of what is truly insipid and dishonest bullshit. And one in particular is taking place within days of my typing these words!

Story time!! A couple of weeks ago, I had the wild hair up my ass to throw a small get-together for friends to finally get a chance to play Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance. As the only person in my immediate circle of friends to finish the game, I wanted to share that experience with them. So, I proposed a day that we would devote to running through the entire game from start to finish. And these people were up for it!! I set up a Facebook event, sent invites, and we were good to go. Then, as I was about to go watch the season premiere of The Walking Dead with some of these fine people like apparently EVERYONE IN AMERICA, I watched a video on Youtube with an ad before it. Ordinarily, this would be annoying...but this was different. I don't even remember the actual word selection, but the idea spoke to me immediately!

Extra Life began in 2008 when a small group of gamers pooled their resources in an effort to make a difference in a little girl's life. Those efforts expanded within a year's time as they went on to raise money for a Children's Miracle Network Hospital in their area, over $300,000 to be exact, by playing video games for 24 hours to raise awareness and sponsorship. Since then, that group has expanded into a worldwide community of like-minded individuals as thousands of gamers, over 100 websites, and donors across the globe have joined in to help or show their support for CMN Hospitals near and far. To date, Extra Life has raised over $10 million in the aid of ailing children and their families. The best part...these efforts are still growing. That's where my friends and I come in!

When I learned about this, my interest was instantly piqued. That little get-together with a handful of friends suddenly became an opportunity to do something great, so that's what we're doing!

Never has my use of this image been as inspired...

The importance of the cause truly speaks for itself! By taking part in Extra Life, we have a chance to help kids dealing with injuries, cancer, cystic fibrosis, and every other ailment in between. I've always been of the mentality that if you can lend a helping hand, then there's no reason why you shouldn't. So, we formed "Team TNT" and started planning and restructuring. I owe my friends EVERYTHING for their endless support (especially you, JJ--check out his blog if you haven't already!!), and we're not only set to stream, but we've raised some money and a little awareness along the way!

You can find out more by following the links to Extra Life I've peppered this post with (holy shit, that sentence...). If you're interested in our efforts specifically, you can find us here:

http://www.extra-life.org/index.cfm?fuseaction=donorDrive.team&teamID=18946

There is no set amount that you have to give. If you've only got $5 to spare, that $5 still goes a long way. And you can always share the information about Extra Life and their efforts!

I'll post the link to the stream here on the day of the event. Until then...?

...I'm aping OSW's sign-off.

Halloween Horror Marathon 2014: Wait, Who the Hell is Filming THIS!?

One week into October, and we've got 35 movies under our belts. And along this road to self-discovery, I've learned that jump-scares only make me blurt out laughter. I've also learned that IFC Films has been putting in a LOT of work in the horror genre, and the results are about exactly what you'd expect. Every studio that gets into horror movies is bound to have an output that pretty much reflects the genre as a whole. A few winners but a shit-loads of losers. I'd say that makes them a pretty solid addition of the fold. Welcome to the party, guys!

As this journey continues, ideas are hitting me for future endeavors as far as reflections on this genre are concerned. Yes, I will definitely compile lists of the best and worst. Yes, the best list will include ironic choices to be enjoyed with family and friends. But the biggest undertaking may be another year away. Stay tuned for that one. In the meantime, a quick reminder of the rules...

• No Prior knowledge of the movie
• No investigation into the movie
• I have to have never seen it OR not seen it recently enough to form an opinion
• Once the credits start (or I pass the 1:30 min. mark), there is NO TURNING BACK...
• No David DeCoteau movies
• And...*The Netflix Roulette Gambit* - After 10 movies, give the wheel a spin. Whatever unfamiliar title it lands on, I have to watch it

Let's hope this website doesn't make me hate it enough to punch it in its nonexistent face...

Halloween Horror Marathon 2014: I stand before you a man transformed...Mostly because I'm sitting.

So, 3 years and running, and I have to say that I've learned a thing or two to show for it all. Let's just say that my sensibilities and grasp has definitely expanded. The truth is every single one of these movies from best to worst has been and can be fun. Not in a "Wait until I get _____ to sit through this shit" kinda way (that I reserve for Tyler Perry movies), but as an experience. It is what you make of it, and while I definitely won't recommend EVERYTHING I watch (If you're a single woman that lives alone who would watch The Sentinel with OR without me, I might marry you), I will say that you can enjoy yourself with the right approach. Bear that in mind as you power through the coming list as I powered each of these movies. The rules are as always...

No Prior knowledge of the movie

No investigation into the movie

I have to have never seen it OR not seen it recently enough to form an opinion

Once the credits start (or I pass the 1:30 min. mark), there is NO TURNING BACK...

And, of course...No David DeCoteau movies

This year, however, I'm adding a NEW rule...which is starting to seem like an annual thing. I promise it's not, but with the introduction of Netflix Roulette into my world, how could I not put this to use in this setting? So, I've decided that for every 5th movie (or 10th, depending on my progress this go 'round) I will give the Roulette wheel a spin. If it lands on something I've never seen within 3 tries, I'll watch it. So...

• The Netflix Roulette Gambit - Whatever unfamiliar title it lands on, I have to watch it

Alright, here we go.

If you know where this comes from, I'm sorry. I know. I saw it too...

Halloween Horror Marathon 2013: This is No Place for Techno Music...

*Note*-- As a lead-in to my annual October marathon, I am re-presenting my "journey" up to this point as I hunt for as many horror movies I can watch in a single month for the 4th consecutive year...

So, the last movie I watched as of the moment I'm writing this was edited like a 90's sports reel...

I've got nothing to add to that. I just want you to be able to imagine what I'm sitting through sometimes.

• No Prior knowledge of the movie
• No investigation into the movie
• I have to have never seen it OR not seen it recently enough to form an opinion*
• Once the credits start (or I pass the 1:30 min. mark), there is NO TURNING BACK...
• And, of course...No David DeCoteau movies

The first year I did this, I watched the original Maniac, a movie Gene Siskel tapped out on in disgust. Recently, the remake was added on Netflix. And by that I mean very recently, as in a couple of days ago. Will I watch it? Well, obviously the answer's "yes."

Halloween Horror Marathon 2013: Just ONCE I'd like for "SOMEBODY!!" to ACTUALLY Help...And for it to be a Complete Stranger that Shows Up Out of Nowhere

*Note*-- As a lead-in to my annual October marathon, I am re-presenting my "journey" up to this point as I hunt for as many horror movies I can watch in a single month for the 4th consecutive year...

It HAS dawned on me that this process may be slowly driving me insane. Don't let that go ignored. I'm also pretty sure that "Hillbilly Torture Chamber" could be a good band name which also may or may not be an indication of my mental health. That said, I've noticed the trend that a considerable number of the movies I've seen this year have claimed to be based on or inspired by "true events." I won't say which ones, but I do feel like I should expand upon why that irks the hell outta me...

It's a fuggin' lie.

Yeah, I doubt it...

Yeah, I'm not gonna get into a lengthy diatribe or nuanced dismantling of the term. I don't have an hour and neither do you, so let's get on with the rules.

• No Prior knowledge of the movie
• No investigation into the movie
• I have to have never seen it OR not seen it recently enough to form an opinion*
• Once the credits start (or I pass the 1:30 min. mark), there is NO TURNING BACK...
• And, of course...No David DeCoteau movies

After doing this for 2 years straight, the trickiest part of this whole process for me is finding things I haven't seen. This is why I've watched so much crap from the past couple of years. I fear this experiment may have peaked early...in terms of film quality. I'm not stoppin' until this legitimately breaks me, and I DON'T GO DOWN WITHOUT A FIGHT!!

Halloween Horror Marathon 2013: "I don't understand...WHAT'S out there, Rachel!?!?" - Is it too soon to use "Re-Bloodening" again...?

*Note*-- As a lead-in to my annual October marathon, I am re-presenting my "journey" up to this point as I hunt for as many horror movies I can watch in a single month for the 4th consecutive year...

So, here we are in the lovely month of October yet again. That, of course, means a revisit to everyone's favorite genre: Horror. I know, I know...It's not really everyone's favorite, but it is the one I hear most often referred to as someone's favorite. But why is that? I think it's because the horror genre is such a far-reaching form of narrative that's ultimately about "what happens to people." And that can be revealing in so many ways...as well as make it ripe for conversation.

So, why am I doing this...?

I dunno. I forgot. Wasn't I supposed to write a retrospective on Scream...?

The rules are simple! And yeah, I am definitely keeping the added rule from last year if I can help it...

• No Prior knowledge of the movie
• No investigation into the movie
• I have to have never seen it OR not seen it recently enough to form an opinion
• And finally...Once the credits start (or I pass the 1:30 min. mark), there is NO TURNING BACK...
• No David DeCoteau movies

Well then, let's get started! Full disclosure: I watched the first movie on this list a couple of nights early. I had no choice though since Netflix was yanking it on the 1st, but I did plan to watch it first months in advance. And that movie is...

Halloween Horror Marathon 2012: "Don't come any closer!!"

*Note*-- As a lead-in to my annual October marathon, I am re-presenting my "journey" up to this point as I hunt for as many horror movies I can watch in a single month for the 4th consecutive year...

It's down to the wire! I'm sure at this point that last year's record will go unbroken for now, but there are still a few more days left in the month. And frankly, I've got no reason to stop now...even after watching Frogs. I miss the days of Blood Monkey...

• No Prior knowledge of the movie
• No investigation into the movie
• I have to have never seen it OR not seen it recently enough to form an opinion
• Once the credits start (or I pass the 1:30 min. mark), there is NO TURNING BACK...
• And no David DeCoteau movies!

Let's see how deep the rabbit hole goes this time...

Halloween Horror Marathon 2012: "Why are You Doing This...?"

*Note*-- As a lead-in to my annual October marathon, I am re-presenting my "journey" up to this point as I hunt for as many horror movies I can watch in a single month for the 4th consecutive year...

If I keep this up, I think I'm gonna start titling each one of these blogs a cliched line from the horror genre that needs to never be written or uttered again. I cannot tell you the number of times I've heard a marginally talented actress pose that same question to some husky dude in overalls, flannel, or a jumpsuit. It's kind of a pet peeve now because one thing I know for sure is that there is no worthwhile answer to that question in the first place (nevermind the fact that it rarely even gets a response - making the exchange pointless). A window into the mind of the monster ruins the mystique, and the unknown is what fuels horror. And if Rob Zombie understood that, his movies wouldn't suck. I'm getting sidetracked...

The month of October continues, and so too does the marathon. For this round, I'm gonna pack in as many movies as I can find on Netflix alone with the word "zombie" in the title. I'm betting I'll hit at least 20, but there's only one way to find out. In any case, the same rules apply...

• No Prior knowledge of the movie
• No investigation into the movie
• I have to have never seen it OR not seen it recently enough to form an opinion
• Once the credits start (or I pass the 1:30 min. mark), there is NO TURNING BACK...
• And no David DeCoteau movies!

Let's get started. I've got a lot of arguments in bunkers/basements to get through...

Halloween Horror Marathon 2012: It BEGINS AGAIN!!!

*Note*-- As a lead-in to my annual October marathon, I am re-presenting my "journey" up to this point as I hunt for as many horror movies I can watch in a single month for the 4th consecutive year...

It's that time o' year again, and by comparison I'm actually behind by a few days. Nonetheless, let the horror movie marathon begin!!! Last go'round, I made it to 107 movies in a single month. This year, I hope to exceed that number but I'm not deluded. I know what that entails, so clearly my lowered standards are about to make a "triumphant" return. The rules are as simple as ever...

• No Prior knowledge of the movie
• No investigation into the movie
• I have to have never seen it OR not seen it recently enough to form an opinion
• And finally...Once the credits start (or I pass the 1:30 min. mark), there is NO TURNING BACK...

This year, I have only ONE additional rule...

• No David DeCoteau movies...Don't ask. If you don't know, just don't...

What will follow are immediate responses, overviews, and/or mini reviews of the movies I watch for the purpose of keeping track of things as well as expressing my feelings on what I just saw as succinctly as possible. With that said, here...we...go!

Halloween Horror Marathon 2011: Night of the Blood House of Skulls in the Mouth of Hell of the Dead II: The Re-Bloodening

*Note*-- As a lead-in to my annual October marathon this year, I am re-presenting my "journey" up to this point as I hunt for as many horror movies I can watch in a single month for the 4th consecutive year...

It's down to the wire, and I've put more time into this than I have making a costume. But what can I say, really? This is, honestly, far more fun than it should be and I'm starting to think that 100 movies is attainable. It's also just as informative as I thought it would be because I love observing cliches. The best way to upend expectation is to know what's expected. Plus, seeing this many horror movies is enough of a confidence boost to make me believe I could make my own. Or, at least steer one in the right direction...which is to say, as far away from anything resembling John Boorman's film of Exorcist II: The Heretic as possible.

So, let's get into it. My rules are still simple:

• No prior knowledge
• No investigation into a title
• Never seen it or haven't seen it recently enough to form an opinion
• Once the opening credits start (or the equivalent amount of time has passed), there's no turning back...

I just realized the best part of this is no one knows what applies to what but me...

Halloween Horror Marathon 2011: "You guys...This isn't funny."

*Note*-- As a lead-in to my annual October marathon this year, I am re-presenting my "journey" up to this point as I hunt for as many horror movies I can watch in a single month for the 4th consecutive year...

So, at some point in the middle of Maniac!, I stared deep into the craggy face of Joe Spinell and a thought flashed into my head. Can I watch 100 horror movies in one month? I think the answer is "yes." This is a completely reachable goal with the stipulations I've already set for myself...

• No prior knowledge
• No investigation into a title
• Never seen it, or haven't seen it recently enough to form an opinion
• Once the movie's opening credits start (or the equivalent amount of time), there is no turning back...

Obviously, standards of selection just took a punch in the dick. I haven't found the movie to break me yet, but the month isn't over yet...

Halloween Horror Marathon 2011: It Began on The 6th of October...

*Note*-- As a lead-in to my annual October marathon this year, I am re-presenting my "journey" up to this point as I hunt for as many horror movies I can watch in a single month for the 4th consecutive year...

Horror movies don't tend to get much attention throughout the year. You may see the occasional release in the summer or the odd December release in theaters, but generally speaking, it seems as though the genre is ignored until October rolls around. I can't lie. I'm a little guilty of this too. It's not that I don't pay attention to horror movies at all, but they definitely take a backseat to other genre indulgences. That's why I think of October as an "appreciation month." It also doesn't hurt that it's the one time in the year when you don't have to work so hard to convince most people to watch a horror movie.

I have a completely unfounded theory. I think that a greater understanding and appreciation of film as a narrative medium begins with horror. Beat changes, pacing, characterization, setting, lighting, the use of sound and music -- Every major element of a narrative film is essential to an effective horror film, and more exposure gives the viewer a better grasp of what makes a movie work. This isn't a thesis, so don't expect a defense or anything. I'm just saying that I can see what clicks and what doesn't, and I owe that to watching a metric shit-ton of movies with the words "Dead," "Blood," and/or "Night" in the title. That's why (aside from Halloween) I love October. Through this self-imposed focus on a single genre, I learn and that's the most important thing anyone can do in life. Sure, it might seem like a shallow and superfluous venture. But like everything else, the experience is what you make of it...

This experience in particular teaches you the value of a change of pants.

No One is Being Served...'Cause You Guys Are Idiots!

I know what you're thinking...No, I'm not gonna start on your hair. It's a fuckin' catastrophe, but we've got bigger fish to fry here, boys. For starters, you're morons...

So...About This CM Punk Thing...

When I started this blog, I never intended for it to become an exclusively pro-wrestling/sports entertainment opinion page. It's not now, and it won't be but I feel like that needed to be acknowledged before I got into this entry. I also feel it necessary to state that I am a CM Punk fan.

Judging by the number of views this has, there are quite a few of us...

I Went to a TNA Impact House Show...I Have Thoughts

There are a number of things that I need to share with anyone reading this up front for the sake of context. Luckily, it's not a large number so you can bear with me.

• I had never been to a live wrestling event before this one, and I've not written specifically about an event before either.
• I don't generally follow TNA Impact, so many of the wrestlers, stories, etc. are a little new to me.

With that said, let's talk about this show...and TNA by extension.

TNA Impact Wrestling Presents The Road to Lockdown Tour(...as experienced by someone that's only watched TNA once in the past 5 years)

The 10 Quintessential Fight Scenes in Martial Arts Cinema...According to Some Guy

I think Tony Jaa is probably a really nice guy...but he's not gonna be on this list ANYWHERE. Let's get that outta the way now. If that bothers you, have a dance party and forget your troubles!* For the rest of us, you're likely here because you love martial arts movies as much as I do if not more. But this isn't a pissing contest. Besides, I'd totally win that too...

The reason why I don't like most Tony Jaa fights is because I never feel as though there are any stakes. His athleticism is amazing, but I never feel as though there is anyone that can match that in his movies. As a result, I feel like I'm just waiting for him to win. That's not what makes a good fight scene. It's more than just the skill and athletic prowess on display that pulls us into a good fight. It's tension, and that comes from characters facing what is clearly a challenge to them. For that reason, you're probably not gonna see a lot of "one guy takes on countless thugs" scenes. But brace yourself for a lot of Hong Kong...

Presented in no particular order (some spoilers lie ahead...deal with it!):

Gaming Needs to Grow Up, or That Time an LGBT Advocate/Gamer Called Me a "Faggot"

I don't consider myself an internet troll. I am, however, an asshole. I'll explain.

A face that says "See you next Tuesday" like no other, amirite?

At any given point in my life, I have been labeled as such after having said what ultimately amounts to the truth. The problem? This person (or people) did not want to hear it, or at the least not from me. So, that (among other things) makes me an asshole. I'm kinda okay with that. I'm not, however, okay with the general trajectory that one of my favorite pastimes is taking: Gaming.

The Scream Franchise: A Metatextual Success by way of Cinematic Failure

Let me start out by saying that I legitimately like Wes Craven's 1996 "classic" Scream. However, I put classic in quotes because I'm not delusional and this movie carries no nostalgic weight for me. This isn't just coming from the point of view of a former film studies minor, but someone that went into the entire franchise with something that a lot of younger fans didn't: context. I know the references, the "rules", and the tropes that Scream both adheres to and defies effectively. That's why I know that the movie is a really good slasher flick. It doesn't turn the genre on its ear. It didn't change the game in any way that so many misguided critics seem to think it did. It's just an effective slasher movie that's aware of other slasher movies.

That said, this series is a piece of shit.

Awww...you seem sad...

Don't get me wrong. I would say that of pretty much EVERY series of horror films as they all seem to lose sight of themselves at one point or another to such a degree that the idea of a horror franchise should be seen as undesirable. Friday, Nightmare, Halloween, Texas Chainsaw, they all start out strong and/or inspired in one way or another but then piss it down their legs. Whether it be druids, time travel, psychics, a trip to outer space, failed attempts at passing the torch, or a forced change of location, they all jump the shark. They have an Ewok moment. These franchises helped to establish the genre and the tropes that Scream so readily plays with, but they are the reason that the sequels to Scream have no excuse for being the self-indulgent, misguided, repetitive, and toothless failures that they are. I obviously don't mean that from a financial perspective 'cause there wouldn't be 3 sequels if these movies bombed. No, I intend to point out where Scream 2, 3, and 4 completely shit the bed. But to do that, I have to explain why the first movie works.

So, again in the lead-up to my annual horror marathon in October, I will re-watch the Scream movies one-by-one and assess as objectively as I can what went right, wrong, and how. Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments, of course. Next time we meet on the matter, we look at the only worthwhile movie Wes Craven has made in decades...Red Eye. I'm clearly kidding. Later, folks!

My Thoughts on Twilight...ALL of Them

*Note*-- This was originally written in '09 just after New Moon had hit theaters. I didn't alter the text, but did dress things up a bit. Keep that context in mind as you read this.

This issue was honestly behind me, but then I re-visited the movie (thanks Rifftrax, some movies DO have it comin’…) and with the release of the second film installment upon us (in much the same way that H1N1 is "upon us") it brought back all of the thoughts that plagued me before. I am not a fan of this franchise, and there's no way anyone could mistake me for one especially if you’ve talked to me or read my review of the first movie.* But there are a few things that generally irk the shit out of me when it comes to all things Twilight that go beyond the quality of the film. The movie(s) will factor in though since it was my first exposure to this media juggernaut that has the kind of undeserved popularity rivaled only by Dane Cook. So bear with me as I elaborate point-by-point here. I do fear redundancy as many of the things that don’t add up have a tendency to overlap. However the intention behind this note is simple. This is the end. I plan to address every aspect to this franchise as thoroughly as I can, and then be done with it once and for all. This isn’t meant to invalidate your position in any way, but chances are I will likely cover whatever there is to discuss. With that said, here we go…