Gaming Needs to Grow Up, or That Time an LGBT Advocate/Gamer Called Me a "Faggot"

I don't consider myself an internet troll. I am, however, an asshole. I'll explain.

A face that says "See you next Tuesday" like no other, amirite?

At any given point in my life, I have been labeled as such after having said what ultimately amounts to the truth. The problem? This person (or people) did not want to hear it, or at the least not from me. So, that (among other things) makes me an asshole. I'm kinda okay with that. I'm not, however, okay with the general trajectory that one of my favorite pastimes is taking: Gaming.


Now before you get the idea that I'm going to go into the myriad of missteps being made in this medium and its respective industry, I'm not. We don't have 5 hours, and believe me when I say that you would need that much time to cover matters in the least. Aside from that, many of the things I could or would say have been covered by writers and personalities with a much farther reach than me and with more eloquence to boot. I'll simply add to those points with this initial observation of fact that weighs heavily on every matter at hand: The video game is still a very young medium by comparison to every other. As a result, we still have to prove ourselves and our worth to make headway.

Many will posit that this is unfair, and it is. However, that's what happens when people at large are generally resistant to change. They call them "growing pains" for a reason, and for once that reason is NOT Alan Thicke-related. Video games are still largely viewed as a medium for the young and/or immature, even within the industry. And this is an image that gamers truly have to combat at every turn because (if you catch my meaning here) nobody takes children seriously.

We even make memes out of their discomfort.

What this means is we have to think and act responsibly to better facilitate long term goals and growth of the medium and community as a whole. That's one of the many reasons that it bothers me to see people post things like this:

I blocked that guy's name in pink, not to emasculate him but because he'd think it does...

This was posted in a local Fighting Game Community (here on referred to as FGC) group on the facebooks recently. When this post showed up in my feed, I had an internal debate that didn't really last long but occurred nonetheless. "Should I say something?" I feel like everyone has these moments. I have them *daily*. Essentially, this one broke down to whether or not anyone would likely say something if I didn't. So, I responded like so: 

2 "likes!!" That was almost promising...

To make that clearer, all I said initially was...

And as you can see, the response was...something. What ensued from this point was me clarifying that the use of the word "rape" as a brag is immature, insensitive, conducive to gender-exclusivity (as well as why--I'll get to that in a sec'), and frankly detrimental to the community as a whole. That I would even have to explain how using that word reflects poorly on the person using it (as well as all remotely associated on a grander scale) is still beyond me. Instead, the usual defenses went up as they do when people go searching for the means to maintain the status quo. People jumped to the conclusion that I was insinuating that they were misogynist or advocating rape all because of a laughable inability to understand the use of majestic plurals. I don't really wanna waste too much time recounting the entire "conversation" as that gets away from the larger point at hand. Plus, I think the title says enough. I'll just wrap this portion up by saying that in the minds of those defending the use of the word, what they thought went down was something like this...

...but the results were a lot more like this...

Let me just take a minute to explain a few things about trolling. A lot of people have this misconception that it's all about annoying people. It's not. Trolling in its truest form is about exposure. People have a tendency to reveal their absolute worst inclinations when they are angered enough, and sometimes...they'll completely betray themselves. I'm not gonna name names, but if you pride yourself as being the only female member of an FGC group as well as a member of the Gay-Straight Alliance, calling me a "faggot" for any reason not only makes you an impossible hypocrite but you only make my point. I didn't set out to troll a group and kill a thread, but that's the thing about the most effective trolls. They usually take the least amount of effort...

Over the course of this exchange, I had one guy say to me that he would never use the word "rape" in such a context publicly. This was a sentiment that others seem to carry as well, and the thing is...I get it. It's a personal comfort level thing as you feel more at ease speaking in ways among friends than you would openly. But putting aside the uglier potential implication (ie. You're no better a person for only saying offensive things privately because you're still saying it), there is still the two-fold problem of using this language while posting anywhere on the internet. First, you just made it public by doing so because "private" doesn't really exist in this realm. Second, the "logic" here conveys that there is an understanding that the word's usage can be offensive but not why.

I almost feel like I don't have to explain why the use of the word "rape" when bragging is a bad thing. It feels as though I'm telling you why rape is bad, and you'd have to be a sociopath not to grasp that concept. As crimes against humanity go, it's worse than murder if you ask me. Murder ends a life. Violating someone ruins their life. I tend to look at events as being much more harmful if the effects linger for more parties involved. That being said, I also don't think it's much of a shock to note that women think about the possibility of sexual assault more than men. Male privilege...look it up if you haven't heard of it or know some shit-lord that claims it doesn't exist. When you take these things into consideration, it's no real surprise that the gaming community is viewed as a socially-inept sausage fest. Nor is it a surprise that it's mostly true, especially in the FGC. Language can be alienating to those we don't directly address even if we don't realize it, and that applies here. I don't associate myself with people that frequently make racist or even vaguely racist comments about ANY ethnicity because it says a lot about the respect they have for others, themselves, and how much I have for myself. When I hear and see the things said amongst the fandom in gaming and other communities considered "geeky," I'm not surprised at all that many women feel uncomfortable or out of place at times. That should be reason enough to want to do better.

BUT...if I can't appeal to your basic humanity, then think about it from a professional perspective. E-sports are on the rise as video games are beginning to gain recognition for the skill required to master them, the competition among top players, and the good they can do for the public at large. That means that there is a legitimate possibility that in the near-future, more gamers can make their past-time a sustainable profession. But that road isn't a short one. Building leagues means corporate sponsorship. Skip ahead if you know where this is going, but the inevitable contracts that would need signing to make this a reality are gonna condemn the kind of trash-talk that many of us are used to. Why? Like I said before, it's not a good look.

Ultimately, video games are supposed to be fun. They're also supposed to be for everyone, and that isn't quite the case yet. There are a lot of ways in which the industry and community need to shift towards a better direction. However, the greatest advances to be made start with us...the players.