It's becoming more widely known amongst people that know me that I do this every year, and the result is that many have and will make suggestions. I *LOVE* this!! It means that the people reading this are paying enough attention to know what titles are most likely unfamiliar to me! It means that people are reading this shit!!!! I can't thank you enough if you are. Keep those suggestions coming, and don't be afraid to go mainstream. Most of this stuff no one's ever heard of outside of the production teams that made it and no longer talk about it until a relative asks about "that movie you guys were making" at the Thanksgiving table--where all regrets resurface.
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| Exhibit A. The shame is palpable... |
- No Prior knowledge of the movie
- No investigation into the movie
- I have to have never seen it OR not seen it recently enough to form an opinion
- Once the credits start (or I pass the 1:30 min. mark), there is NO TURNING BACK...
- No David DeCoteau movies
- And...*The Netflix Roulette Gambit* - After 10 movies, give the wheel a spin. Whatever unfamiliar title it lands on, I have to watch it
- (91) The Blood Beast Terror - Ahh, old-school English acting...This movie is FILLED with stuffy Britishness!!
- (92) Curse of the Swamp Creature - This plays like a parody right outta the gate. The monster's name is Brenda. That is all.
- (93) Tales from the Crypt: Ritual - These accents...And I don't anyone's ever had a freak-out from witnessing sugar cane field workers.
- (94) House of Good and Evil - Ghost-babies gets cranky because juice-boxes are corporeal. Y'know, I hope that becomes an album title someday...
- (95) Mine Games (aka The Evil Within) - Ha-ha, I see what you did there, movie title...
- (96) Grabbers - Even Ireland has a Wilhelm!
- (97) Stranded - They said that you could breeeeeeathe. Not a word was truuuuue. And so you float awaaaaay...STRANDED!!!
- (98) Exit to Hell - This feels like the untold story of Chris R....Kane Hodder needs to make better script choices.
- (99) Gallow Walkers - Old West Blade. Shoulda called it!
- (100) Blood Gnome - If you ever wondered what incompetence merged with a disproportionate interest in BDSM would look like...Well, here it is!
- (101) Spiderhole - Aww, this is my least favorite kind of killer(s)...And you're gonna end on THAT note!?
- (102) The Last Days on Mars - Wow, Casey Jones is startin' to look like Robert Duvall...*
- (103) Argento's Dracula - This 50's sci-fi score, the ham-fisted expository dialog, and 6 lb 12oz baby Jesus, the acting!! Am I watching a radio drama? And people thought Keanu Reeves was bad...**
- (104) All Cheerleaders Die - Yeah, a little put off by how this dude is the absolute worst human being ever. That might be the actor in me talkin'...
- (105) Sin Reaper - Put this guy in a D&D campaign, and he's just a bad-ass cleric!
- (106) The Baby - If Samus Aran named movies...
- (107) Sasquatch - Lance Henriksen, wat're u doin'? Lance Henriksen...STAHP!!!!
- (108) Infected - A zombie movie filled with people that said "Ehhh, sure, I'll be in a zombie movie" with an indifferent shrug.
- (109) Not of This Earth - I'm pretty sur--You ARE using clips from Humanoids from the Deep!! And what is with 80's movies and monster rape...?
- (110) The Spell - This girl is hardly fat...but if she was...Harsher title: "Dairie."
- (111) Haunting Me - This feels really mean-spirited out of the gate. I don't think I get Thai humor...and don't want to.
- (112) Little Witches - This credits sequence, that soundtrack, Clea Duvall...this sure is 90's.
- (113) Spiders - *shakes fist* MULDOOOOOOON!!!!!!!
- (114) Werewolf: The Beast Among Us - Damnit, can we get a werewolf transformation that's a dude in prosthetics and NOT a shitty CG concoction? I miss those...
- (115) Unidentified - ...I hate Jodie.
- (116) Self Storage - I don't know when "Starring Eric Roberts" became a warning worth heeding, but I wanna say it was at least "A Talking Cat!?!"...
- (117) Here Comes the Devil - Well, that...I, uhh...The opening has something to do with the rest of the movie, right? Ohhhh...
- (118) The Taking of Deborah Logan - Recognizable actors in your found footage movie takes me right outta things. Helps if you've never seen Mad About You...but that's life advice.
- (119) The Eye 2 - That music cue suggests that dress shopping is the true horror...
- (120) The Haunting of Whaley House - How many "Haunting" movies can you make, Asylum!?! WAIT!! DON'T ANSWER THAT!!!!
- (121) Hellgate (1989) - This many close-ups tells me your ADULT actors are terrible, but as unbelievable as these performances are...Ron Palilo, the 50-year old teenager, as a grad student...***
- (122) Mountaintop Motel Massacre - Ohhh no...Not like this!! And don't tell me I'm overreacting. That's an old black man in a mid-80's slasher movie! You damn-well know what that means...****
- (123) Killer's Moon - Wasn't sure how British this movie would be, then you opened with "Green Sleeves" and answered that question...
- (124) The Feeding - The sound is almost as bad as the acting. And while I can respect the outside-of-mainstream body types of the actresses, and I got my wish for a guy-in-a-suit werewolf...the writing is so bad that it's un-good.
- (125) House of Voices - The girl EVERYONE thinks is crazy is telling you to stop pushing the issue. Take the fucking hint.
And I'm. Not. Done!! There's still a week left in October, and I'm too dumb to quit. So, now the question becomes "what record will I have to top next year?" At this rate, there's no telling. But I have some ideas pertaining to the movies I'm watching, first and foremost. The number of movies watched is one thing, but not THE thing. There's more to come. Believe that.
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| Pictured here: the best movie in this batch (Mine Games)...also the reason I don't like surprises. |
*--Could've called this "Astro-Zombies" but movies don't get titles like that anymore...
**--Every line in this movie is delivered like there's an unread scene description or stage direction in between each exchange.
***--I feel pretty confident in saying that turtles don't moo...just throwin' that out there.
***--I feel pretty confident in saying that turtles don't moo...just throwin' that out there.
****--Nonetheless, that old man made it all worth it!!
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