As this journey continues, ideas are hitting me for future endeavors as far as reflections on this genre are concerned. Yes, I will definitely compile lists of the best and worst. Yes, the best list will include ironic choices to be enjoyed with family and friends. But the biggest undertaking may be another year away. Stay tuned for that one. In the meantime, a quick reminder of the rules...
- No Prior knowledge of the movie
- No investigation into the movie
- I have to have never seen it OR not seen it recently enough to form an opinion
- Once the credits start (or I pass the 1:30 min. mark), there is NO TURNING BACK...
- No David DeCoteau movies
- And...*The Netflix Roulette Gambit* - After 10 movies, give the wheel a spin. Whatever unfamiliar title it lands on, I have to watch it
- (36) Haunter - McHattie always brings it...
- (37) 100 Ghost Street: The Return of Richard Speck - I bet I could list this movie every year from now on, and YOU, dear reader, would consistently forget it like I'm about to.
- (38) Detention - This is the Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World of horror, AND Joseph Kahn took a swipe at Torque...You need to see this!!
- (39) Alyce Kills - You just had your drug dealer tell you to get your shit together, lady. Your motivations officially make no sense.
- (40) Dungeon Girl - ...fuck you, Netflix Roulette. Just...fuck you.
- (41) Carrie (2013) - On very special episode of "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant!!"...*
- (42) The Haunting of Helena - Okay. Just okay...
- (43) Stitches - A murderous clown movie for the coulrophobe in YOUR life!!! Seriously, a party full of high schoolers where no one notices the lurking one-eyed clown IS comedy...
- (44) Darkroom - At least this torture chamber isn't run by Hillbillies...
- (45) Stalled - 10 minutes in...And YOU wrote this, huh bud...? And it took another 5 minutes to get a title card...
- (46) Crows Nest - I waited for a sign that at least the title would make sense...Fuckin' nothin'.
- (47) Shivers - If this voice-over gets any more soothing I'm gonna craaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
- (48) The Dunwich Horror - 70's horror would waste no time, would it? Just creepy/ominous music and old people right outta the gate...**
- (49) Black Forest - ...like the ham? Yeah, like the ham.
- (50) Diary of a Cannibal - Seriously, Netflix Roulette, fuck you so hard...
- (51) The Moth Diaries - This movie was made for an indie girl rock soundtrack.
- (52) Almost Human - That accurate knife throw kinda took me outta the movie...#datJohnCarpenterfonttho
- (53) Entity - No, not that Entity but obviously still ghost-related. You deserve credit for not having an oppressive score, for sure.
- (54) Patrick: Evil Awakens - Did you just deliver an intelligent fart joke, movie...?***
- (55) Humanoids from the Deep - Damnit, jumpscare cat! I had forgotten you were a thing. And I know this isn't always true, but it seems wherever you find Vic Morrow...there's sure to be racism.
- (56) All the Boys Love Mandy Lane - All the tropes ruin "Mandy Lane."
- (57) Frankenstein's Army - Fuck, why is any of this found footage!? WHY!?
- (58) The Pact - Just say no to unnecessary open endings.
- (59) The Returned - Turns out, it's man.
- (60) Mutant Species - You're shooting for suffering, Roulette...Wait a minute. WILFORD BRIMLEY!!!
- (61) Germ Z - Running zombies in the woods played by people that lok like your friends from high school. That's about what I expected...
- (62) Grave Encounters - Yeah, I never liked Ghost Hunters either...
- (63) 100 Bloody Acres - Even Aussies have Hillbilly Torture Chambers, y'know?
- (64) Shrooms - Poor man's Jason Mewes is more articulate than real Jason Mewes!
- (65) The Serpent and the Rainbow - Y'know what musical instrument doesn't see a lot of use in movie scores anymore? Pan flutes. Not a complaint, just an observation...
- (66) K-11 - That clearly is not a dude...
- (67) Barricade - You are goin' NUTS on the jumpscares, movie.
- (68) The Lair of the White Worm - Got my "Before They Were Famous" movie outta the way...
- (69) Rigor Mortis - Oh man! It's gonna be THAT kinda movie, isn't it!? Go ahead and watch this already!
- (70) A Haunting in Salem - Fucking Asylum...Really, Roulette? Really!? And what the hell kinda chat sound effect is that!?!
- (71) Insidious: Chapter 2 - Patrick Wilson's record remains intact...
- (72) Cutthroat Alley - "A Picture Me Rollin' Production"...*drops mic*
- (73) The Evictors - No, you're taking this all wrong. Clearly "I want you to move" is a dance-off challenge...
- (74) Devil's Pass - Thought you were gonna be a straightforward movie, but noooooo...Found footage, it is. But why would they NOT TURN THE CAMERA OFF!?!
- (75) The Haunting in Connecticut 2: Ghosts of Georgia - Cicely Tyson is looking more like Miss Jane Pittman by the day...
- (76) Secret Screams - Had no idea that proto-Six from Blossom was so into late 80's Mark Ruffalo...
- (77) Satan's Little Helper - Shitty flash animation standing in as a "game" being "played" on what is obviously a cellphone? I have a bad feeling about this...
- (78) Evidence - Damnit, is there no escaping you, Found Footage premise!!?!?
- (79) The Nun - That last minute swerve gets pretty farfetched when you recall that elevator bit. Nice try though...
- (80) Wolf Creek 2 - Fook Meek Taylah!
- (81) Jacob - Over an hour in is a little late to be throwing in the crazy old lady, movie...
- (82) Butcher Boys - Never trust a greaser. Especially not one you come across in the 21st FUCKING CENTURY!!!
- (83) Apartment 1303 - Even in a remake of a Japanese film, ghosts are really just assholes.
- (84) Blood Glacier - And I thought the titular glacier would be the mystery of the hour...still gotta acknowledge that the title sounds really dumb though.
- (85) Plus One - She's right about you, dude. You kinda suck...
- (86) Abandoned Mine - Look, movie...you're PG-13. Don't start out with this many cliches. The odds are already against you...
- (87) Hell - Only in this setting could saying "I have gas" save your life.
- (88) Zombie Night - I know. I know! I should've learned my lesson! I'm runnin' outta shit to watch, okay!?
- (89) The Amityville Haunting - Well, that was quick. But serious question...Who has sex with their shirt on...? Also, why is dad such a douche?
- (90) Blood Angels - Holy shit!! Is that girl's hair crimped in an '05 movie!?
90!?!? 90!!!!! This far along in the process, and only half of the month has passed. No, I can't believe it either!! I checked and double-checked this list just to be sure I wasn't hallucinating, but here we are. With this kinda progress, one thing is certain. Last year's personal record of 112 is gonna be topped this year!!
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| It's a celebration, bitches!!! |
Among the many lessons to be ascertained from this experience, one stands out as necessary to share with you at this point. You can never go right with The Asylum. The studio that gave us Sharknado cannot be trusted in any other capacity. Crazy, I know! Y'know what else is crazy? That The Necromicon has come up in 2 of the movies I watched this year, and neither of them are even remotely Evil Dead-related. One of them is also noticeably terrible in 2 minutes, but I'll let you guess or ask which is which.
No tellin' where the count will stop this year, but the ride is too fun so far. I don't wanna get off!!
No tellin' where the count will stop this year, but the ride is too fun so far. I don't wanna get off!!
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| On second thought... |
*--I have SEVERAL thoughts on this movie, and I'm gonna share a few...
- Screen Gems? There's a good sign...
- Fuck that title screen. This is why no one likes remakes.
- The kid in the library disrupts your attempt to paint Carrie White as a complete outsider. She wants to be accepted and liked. She says as much repeatedly, and there's this boy randomly being nice to her long before anyone even mentions prom to her. There's no reason to think that never happened before.
- Can we make a final call on what powers she actually has? Pretty sure telekinesis does not include mind welding or ultrasound...
- This isn't frightening at all.
**--"And now, return The Necronomicon to the library." is an actual line in this movie's opening scenes.
***--Seriously, all of this for a handie...?
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