Halloween Horror Marathon 2013: Just ONCE I'd like for "SOMEBODY!!" to ACTUALLY Help...And for it to be a Complete Stranger that Shows Up Out of Nowhere

*Note*-- As a lead-in to my annual October marathon, I am re-presenting my "journey" up to this point as I hunt for as many horror movies I can watch in a single month for the 4th consecutive year...

It HAS dawned on me that this process may be slowly driving me insane. Don't let that go ignored. I'm also pretty sure that "Hillbilly Torture Chamber" could be a good band name which also may or may not be an indication of my mental health. That said, I've noticed the trend that a considerable number of the movies I've seen this year have claimed to be based on or inspired by "true events." I won't say which ones, but I do feel like I should expand upon why that irks the hell outta me...

It's a fuggin' lie.

Yeah, I doubt it...

Yeah, I'm not gonna get into a lengthy diatribe or nuanced dismantling of the term. I don't have an hour and neither do you, so let's get on with the rules.

• No Prior knowledge of the movie
• No investigation into the movie
• I have to have never seen it OR not seen it recently enough to form an opinion*
• Once the credits start (or I pass the 1:30 min. mark), there is NO TURNING BACK...
• And, of course...No David DeCoteau movies

After doing this for 2 years straight, the trickiest part of this whole process for me is finding things I haven't seen. This is why I've watched so much crap from the past couple of years. I fear this experiment may have peaked early...in terms of film quality. I'm not stoppin' until this legitimately breaks me, and I DON'T GO DOWN WITHOUT A FIGHT!!

1. (33) Schizo - 70's British horror, folks!
2. (34) Cargo - Wait...Is this about mail-order brides? It is...and it's a message movie!
3. (35) Devil Seed - I'm banking on forgetting this in the next 5 minutes. There's really nothing of note to remember here, and I still recall Sorority Row. Okay, that was a lie. Nobody remembers that movie.
4. (36) The Graves - Starring Olivia Mild...There was a lot of fart gas in this...
5. (37) Uninhabited - So much ADR...And it feels like a bit of a cop-out that these two guys are the major thre--Oh! Okay. That's much better, actually...Faint from the taint!
6. (38) The Dead Want Women - Oh, Charles Band...you and your sensibilities have not evolved or improved at all. I guess Full Moon is BACK, baby!!
7. (39) Wreckage - Of course Aaron Paul is the best thing about this...
8. (40) Unspeakable - Well...the movie literally just shit itself. Is it too late for a "No Troma" rule....? **Bonus** Actual credit: "and Wolf Dangler as Hell"
9. (41) Hollow - England, I know I didn't need you to get into the "found footage" game ever. So, what made you think you had to...?
10. (42) Jack the Reaper - Tony Todd, you are 0/2 this year, and I don't wanna blame you but how can I not when you're turning in performances like this in movies like this?
11. (43) The Possession - "The following is based on a true story." NO, IT'S NOT!!!
12. (44) Aftershock - This still feels like YOU directed it, Eli Roth. That is as far from a positive comment as I can get, and Selena Gomez being in this and YOU HITTING ON HER only makes things worse.
13. (45) Beyond the Grave - It's not often that I'm callin' bullshit on an opening scene, but here we are...
14. (46) Unrest - Ha! There's a God of Prostitution?
15. (47) Scar - "Morgue of Horrors" is a terrible headline, movie. Most people would find ANY morgue a little unsettli--Wait a minute! CHRISTOPHER TITUS!?!**
16. (48) The Open Door - So, when these people start dying...why should I feel bad considering that it only took 10 minutes to establish most of them as self-absorbed, mean-spirited, and/or racist?
17. (49) The Afflicted - Not everyday that Kane Hodder is the FIRST person to die in a movie...
18. (50) Raaz 3 - A choreographer? Thanks, Bollywood, you shouldn't have...Shanaya was robbed, I tell ya'. ROBBED!!
19. (51) Paranormal Activity 4: Unrated Edition - If I had $5 for every moment where I could legitimately ask "Why is anyone filming this?" I could take EVERY person that reads this out to dinner...***
20. (52) Rosewood Lane - Rose, what happened to your face? And what is your fascination with rhymes, Victor Salva? Your whole career is one note, and that fucker's off-key.
21. (53) Silent Night, Zombie Night - There are few things worse than a depressingly cheap zombie movie, but one written by a guy that has obviously ripped off dialog from Reservoir Dogs...?
22. (54) Dead of Winter - A retelling of The Shining doesn't work when it's just a drunk college couple lost in the woods...
23. (55) The Clinic - A fundamental story-telling rule that is sometimes forgotten by film-makers is the simple question of "How is this day different from any other for the characters involved?" This movie gets it.
24. (56) Hansel and Gretel - Et tu, Korea? And why is this child wearing so much make-up?
25. (57) Borderline Cult - 10 minutes in, worst of the year so far. Ulli Lommel, you are a God of shitlords...
26. (58) I am The Ripper - The French make cheap turds too, and they make 'em worse than some of our worst! Do you have any idea what weight that statement carries...? And it still manages to be pretentious!!
27. (59) Ozombie - Kickstarter is responsible for this, so technically you are...we all are.
28. (60) The Maze - The whole "We gotta explain away cellphone reception" thing is WORSE than the "Car stalling" of old.
29. (61) The Greenskeeper - This opening feels like a sitcom in every w--Music by KIP WINGER!!?!?
30. (62) Intruder - The worst thing about this poorly edited mess? I can't even make an Antoine Dodson joke...
31. (63) Splintered - Another religious fanati--Wait! Whaaa...?
32. (64) Cherry Tree Lane - Home invasion...only British. Jog on.
33. (65) The Possession of David O'Reilly - I've been singing that title in the tune of The Ballad of Rosie O'Grady since this thing started, and I see no reason to stop...
34. (66) My Little Eye - Annnnd TWO former Power Rangers in movies I've seen this year...yet not ONE killing a monster. What a waste...Bradley Cooper appearance before he hit it big though.

I've seen two slasher movies this year that featured a deaf character, and both did nothing with their respective characters other than kill them off unceremoniously. I'm gonna go on record here and say that this is truly squandered potential, and I can't stand that. There's a real shot for a Wait Until Dark-type of horror thriller that centers on a deaf character, and that's way more interesting than anything I've seen done. Still not done yet though, and I've folks tossing suggestions at me again. Toss away, people. I've got no standards. I'll do it...

I'd usually use an image from one of the movies listed in the blog, but this is from Resolution (2012). It's a good movie and you should watch it.

*- This rules out any of the Howling sequels because even though I haven't seen them recently, I do remember that they suck

**- A skunk scare...That's different.

***- This turd ended like a screamer video. If someone could explain to me how any of the bullshit in this franchise continues to happen without the world in that reality knowing, I'd love to hear it.