Halloween Horror Marathon 2015: Sequelbatin'

Certain things are starting to stick out in the marathon this year. Found-footage still hasn't fully dissipated as a sub-genre yet, but then there's the litany of tropes as per usual. This isn't a bad thing, but what is? Desperate attempts to subvert tropes, that's what!

Rules are made to broken, as that particular cliche goes. This only becomes an issue when the desire to "shock" overtakes good storytelling. For the sake of remaining as "spoiler-free" as possible, I won't cite direct examples here. But the long and short of it is this: The attempt to surprise the viewer with every plot development or sequence only sets a tone which makes the viewer try to stay a step ahead of your story. We're not dumb, and we'll be right more often than you think.

Alright, the rules barely apply anymore. There's no point in reposting them. Let's Rock!

1. (35) The Blood Lands - Soccer hooligans are the worst...
2. (36) The Pact 2 - Just once, I want the frightened person running out of a house with a knife to stab the house.
3. (37) Devil's Backbone, Texas - You've just been ZAPPED!
   

Halloween Horror Marathon 2015: Thank you, Wes...

Here we are at year 5 of this annual endurance test. That really crept up on me. Half a decade!

It's dawned on me that each time I make it publicly-known that I'm watching something for the marathon, there's always the question of why do this to myself. Not the marathon as a whole, but rather an individual movie. So, allow me to provide the only answer that ultimately makes any sense:

Because it exists and I haven't seen it.

That goes for pretty much everything I watch in October (DeCoteau can still go to hell though). The experience doesn't fully work if you discriminate, and you never know what may surprise you (except David DeCoteau--He'll never surprise you with anything other than a different branch of terrible). So, no matter how bad you might assume or already know the movie to be...I generally give it a shot if it fits these criteria:

• No Prior knowledge of the movie
• I have to have never seen it OR not seen it recently enough to form an opinion
• Once the credits start (or I pass the 1:30 min. mark), there is NO TURNING BACK...
• No David DeCoteau movies

Then I write up a reaction, micro-review, or any given thought of what I saw. That's usually how this works...except this year. This time, I'm being a little more lax on the rules because we lost an icon of the genre.

Now, it doesn't seem to matter as much if I've seen certain movies. A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984) deserves a viewing, and there's no better way to kick things off than with...

Social Distortion

I have a problem with...well, a LOT of things if I'm being completely honest. It's hard not to find fault in the things around us seeing as we live in a considerably imperfect world. But this isn't gonna be a full article from me sounding off about those shorts you're wearing.

FFS, it's a DENIM DIAPER!!!

My gripe is with perceptions. As statements made on the outset of a larger comment go, I know that's pretty damn vague. I am fully aware that I have to explain, so don't worry. I'm definitely going to. First, I'll start with the "thesis," if you can even call it that.

Myths can be among the worst things to happen to culture and society at large.

That Morgan Freeman Clip Makes You Look Stupid

This is getting ridiculous. What am I saying? It always was, and it's getting worse. I'm burying the lede here, so let's just get right to it, huh?

Walter Scott.

By now, you and every other person you know have probably seen the video(s) that amount to the last moments of this man's life. I'm not gonna share it here, but not for that reason. There's a degree of dehumanization to the viewing and reviewing of the footage and footage like it. I'll try to explain that in detail as we go. But there's also the fact that we've seen ALL of this before in one form or another. Walter Scott isn't the first to have his murder caught on camera (or even the most recent), nor is he the first to posthumously be the center of a public debate over his death and events surrounding it. There are a LOT of horrid and saddening aspects to this story and others, but the most troubling or at least one of the most would have to be that nothing has changed.

An Open Letter About April Fool's Day

Dear April Fools,

Sorry for that moniker. I couldn't really think of anything that best catches EVERYONE that takes part in posting things on social media on the 1st of April. I can probably do much better, and that's why we're here. You can do better. You need to...like...a LOT better. In this modern age, everyone knows that it's April now thanks to their friends and family polluting the internet with millions of false claims. You know the ones...

"I'm pregnant!"

"I got engaged!"

"I lost my job..."

"I quit my job."

"I'm coming out of the closet!"

So on and so forth 'til the end of time. Now, some might tell you that these jokes are insensitive or disingenuous as if that's the key problem. That they take a "REAL" occurrence in life and makes them trivial. Let me be clear that this is not the problem. Not at all. The true problem is that you're passing off these "updates" of your monotonous and unadventurous life as "jokes."

Pictured here: Your daydreams

The thing about me is that I trivialize EVERYTHING. It's just a matter of execution that makes it work, and the lack of effort and ingenuity in your tweet or Facebook status is in the same league as stealing bits from Bill Hicks.

We're all onto you, you prick!

You wanna trick people into thinking you're pregnant? Go through a full gestation in 8 hours, then give birth to an alien baby in front of your dearest friends. Bonus points to you if you can pull off a Chest-burster.

"You're still gonna name it after me, right...?"

Lost your job? Announce that you're going off the grid and selling your car to save money, then leave a trail of breadcrumbs for your friends and family to follow to a local shelter. There they'll find you with 3 missing teeth, one shoe, and a certificate declaring our completion of a rehab program for the heroine addiction that cost you that job in the first place.

Engaged, huh? Tell you best friend that your fiancee wants to get married in 12 hours, and have him or her help you cobble together an epic wedding in less than a day. Then when midnight hits, say "I was just fuckin' with ya'" and buy each other your favorite drinks.

GO THE EXTRA MILE!!!!

But if the best you can do is a tweet or a status update, then keep that embarrassingly basic bullshit to yourself.

Signed sincerely,

Comedy

You Kinda Suck, Batman...

Long before I ever even thought of starting a blog, I wrote a response to a Nostalgia Critic video (that I won't link to because it's not that well-structured or written) that compared Tim Burton's '89 Batman with the then-recent release The Dark Knight. He favored the '89 film adaptation of the character, and I strongly begged to differ with that opinion. A key reason for my conclusion then and now is that I have never truly been susceptible to nostalgia. Or rather, I can separate my feelings of comfortable familiarity from the assessment of a work. You have to in order to truly see things for what they are...that's why I have a hard time with Batman '89. This movie is pretty awful.

Oh, don't play the victim here...

Halloween Horror Marathon 2014: I'm Usually Out of Clever Titles by Now...

This is a first. Every other year, the 3rd entry meant the end of the run had arrived and I was wrapping things up. Yet, here we are and I've already got a few more entries to add. At this rate of expansion, there's honestly no telling where I'll stop. I'll try to be reasonable though.

Huh...Not really sure what to say now. This has never happened before. Uhhh...

Who wants a hug...?

• No Prior knowledge of the movie
• No investigation into the movie
• I have to have never seen it OR not seen it recently enough to form an opinion
• Once the credits start (or I pass the 1:30 min. mark), there is NO TURNING BACK...
• No David DeCoteau movies
• And...*The Netflix Roulette Gambit* - After 10 movies, give the wheel a spin. Whatever unfamiliar title it lands on, I have to watch it

Where we'll stop? Nobody knows...