Halloween Horror Marathon 2015: Sequelbatin'

Certain things are starting to stick out in the marathon this year. Found-footage still hasn't fully dissipated as a sub-genre yet, but then there's the litany of tropes as per usual. This isn't a bad thing, but what is? Desperate attempts to subvert tropes, that's what!

Rules are made to broken, as that particular cliche goes. This only becomes an issue when the desire to "shock" overtakes good storytelling. For the sake of remaining as "spoiler-free" as possible, I won't cite direct examples here. But the long and short of it is this: The attempt to surprise the viewer with every plot development or sequence only sets a tone which makes the viewer try to stay a step ahead of your story. We're not dumb, and we'll be right more often than you think.

Alright, the rules barely apply anymore. There's no point in reposting them. Let's Rock!

1. (35) The Blood Lands - Soccer hooligans are the worst...
2. (36) The Pact 2 - Just once, I want the frightened person running out of a house with a knife to stab the house.
3. (37) Devil's Backbone, Texas - You've just been ZAPPED!
   
   
   
4. (38) The Unwanted - This feels 20 minutes too long at the least...and not remotely frightening.
5. (39) Preservation - That was the dumbest and most tinfoil-hat fueled argument against cellphones possible.*
6. (40) V/H/S: Viral - James Gunn cameo!! And just as quickly as he appeared, the movie lost the premise...
7. (41) Housebound - Teddy Ruxpin is perfectly harmless until he opens your shower curtain. For shame, Teddy. 
8. (42) A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night - "Vice Films!?" Like the website? I already feel iffy about this...
9. (43) Asmodexia - Well, at least this movie's subtitles feel justified as something other than a style choice...That's about where my praises stop though...
10. (44) Baby Blues - Horror movies really desperately want you to not have kids...or dolls.
11. (45) Infini - That's BMX gear, guys. Batman would not approve...

    

    You better not be dispensing justice in that, or I swear...

12. (46) The Canal - Ghosts are tricky.
13. (47) Starry Eyes - Watching somebody bomb an audition...Now, THAT is terrifying!!
14. (48) Come Back to Me - This just went full-tilt retarded, annnnnd roll credits!
15. (49) Plague - Fuck you, John.
16. (50) Hangar 10 - So...who rendered this footage that was captured on DV onto the laptop...?
17. (51) [REC] 4: Apocalipsis - Ahh, gotta love examples of racism AND CG monkeys...en español!
18. (52) The Stranger - Judging by the number of f-bombs, it's no wonder Eli Roth took a liking...
19. (53) Hansel vs. Gretel - "The Asylum presents"...God........DAMNIT!!
20. (54) Extraterrestrial - Why do these credits feel like I just started an episode of NCIS...?
21. (55) Nurse - I can't tell who this movie hates more: Men, women, or me in specific...
22. (56) Killer Mermaid - Euro-pop AND bad acting!? MY ONLY WEAKNESS!!!!
23. (57) Ejecta - Did you put Call of Duty footage through a night vision filter or something? More specifically, what made you think shooting a scene like a First-Person Shooter game was a good idea after Doom?
24. (58) Venom - Budget-Lundgren was doomed from the start...And this movie went for the hat-trick of "Black people die first," but only after the main plot got underway.**
25. (59) Don't Blink - Is this a "Cabin in the Woods" movie starring mid-to-late 30 and 40-somethings as 20-somethings? I think it is...
26. (60) Wyrmwood: Road of the Dead - In this reality, zombies breathe fart-gas...Also, your kid is stupid.
27. (61) Cam2Cam - Trying2Care. Failing...
28. (62) Stonehearst Asylum - Kingsley is the perfect fit here, even if the script leaves no mystery to the proceedings.
29. (63) Deep in the Darkness - 8pm curfew!? Monsters or not, anybody over the age of 14 needs to leave this Hellhole of a town!
30. (64) Blood Valley: Seed's Revenge - "Uwe Boll presents!?" This was a TRAP!!!!! And WHAT THE HELL IS THAT ACCENT!?!?
31. (65) Oculus - WWE Studios....didn't produce a very good horror film. Again...
32. (66) The Last House on Cemetery Lane - Musical interludes say your script doesn't have enough story to fit the runtime. Your movie's only 80 minutes...
33. (67) The Lazarus Effect - This never ends well. Didn't you see Return of the Living Dead 3!?
34. (68) Honeymoon - Now I'm just waiting for the dramatic callback to your ritual...*sigh*...So, which one of ya' dies?

That ends Round 2, but the month is far from over. I'm admittedly growing increasingly desperate for things to watch, and that means one thing...

Don't laugh! YOU HAVEN'T WON YET, ASSHOLE!!!

Been putting this off for years, but it's time to explore some franchises. First up: Hellraiser...

Oh, such sights indeed...Bring the pain.

*--This scenario becomes unbelievable once the reveal happens...

**--There is no voice worse or less convincing than Bijou Phillips.