Social Distortion

I have a problem with...well, a LOT of things if I'm being completely honest. It's hard not to find fault in the things around us seeing as we live in a considerably imperfect world. But this isn't gonna be a full article from me sounding off about those shorts you're wearing.

FFS, it's a DENIM DIAPER!!!

My gripe is with perceptions. As statements made on the outset of a larger comment go, I know that's pretty damn vague. I am fully aware that I have to explain, so don't worry. I'm definitely going to. First, I'll start with the "thesis," if you can even call it that.

Myths can be among the worst things to happen to culture and society at large.

That Morgan Freeman Clip Makes You Look Stupid

This is getting ridiculous. What am I saying? It always was, and it's getting worse. I'm burying the lede here, so let's just get right to it, huh?

Walter Scott.

By now, you and every other person you know have probably seen the video(s) that amount to the last moments of this man's life. I'm not gonna share it here, but not for that reason. There's a degree of dehumanization to the viewing and reviewing of the footage and footage like it. I'll try to explain that in detail as we go. But there's also the fact that we've seen ALL of this before in one form or another. Walter Scott isn't the first to have his murder caught on camera (or even the most recent), nor is he the first to posthumously be the center of a public debate over his death and events surrounding it. There are a LOT of horrid and saddening aspects to this story and others, but the most troubling or at least one of the most would have to be that nothing has changed.

An Open Letter About April Fool's Day

Dear April Fools,

Sorry for that moniker. I couldn't really think of anything that best catches EVERYONE that takes part in posting things on social media on the 1st of April. I can probably do much better, and that's why we're here. You can do better. You need to...like...a LOT better. In this modern age, everyone knows that it's April now thanks to their friends and family polluting the internet with millions of false claims. You know the ones...

"I'm pregnant!"

"I got engaged!"

"I lost my job..."

"I quit my job."

"I'm coming out of the closet!"

So on and so forth 'til the end of time. Now, some might tell you that these jokes are insensitive or disingenuous as if that's the key problem. That they take a "REAL" occurrence in life and makes them trivial. Let me be clear that this is not the problem. Not at all. The true problem is that you're passing off these "updates" of your monotonous and unadventurous life as "jokes."

Pictured here: Your daydreams

The thing about me is that I trivialize EVERYTHING. It's just a matter of execution that makes it work, and the lack of effort and ingenuity in your tweet or Facebook status is in the same league as stealing bits from Bill Hicks.

We're all onto you, you prick!

You wanna trick people into thinking you're pregnant? Go through a full gestation in 8 hours, then give birth to an alien baby in front of your dearest friends. Bonus points to you if you can pull off a Chest-burster.

"You're still gonna name it after me, right...?"

Lost your job? Announce that you're going off the grid and selling your car to save money, then leave a trail of breadcrumbs for your friends and family to follow to a local shelter. There they'll find you with 3 missing teeth, one shoe, and a certificate declaring our completion of a rehab program for the heroine addiction that cost you that job in the first place.

Engaged, huh? Tell you best friend that your fiancee wants to get married in 12 hours, and have him or her help you cobble together an epic wedding in less than a day. Then when midnight hits, say "I was just fuckin' with ya'" and buy each other your favorite drinks.

GO THE EXTRA MILE!!!!

But if the best you can do is a tweet or a status update, then keep that embarrassingly basic bullshit to yourself.

Signed sincerely,

Comedy

You Kinda Suck, Batman...

Long before I ever even thought of starting a blog, I wrote a response to a Nostalgia Critic video (that I won't link to because it's not that well-structured or written) that compared Tim Burton's '89 Batman with the then-recent release The Dark Knight. He favored the '89 film adaptation of the character, and I strongly begged to differ with that opinion. A key reason for my conclusion then and now is that I have never truly been susceptible to nostalgia. Or rather, I can separate my feelings of comfortable familiarity from the assessment of a work. You have to in order to truly see things for what they are...that's why I have a hard time with Batman '89. This movie is pretty awful.

Oh, don't play the victim here...

Halloween Horror Marathon 2014: I'm Usually Out of Clever Titles by Now...

This is a first. Every other year, the 3rd entry meant the end of the run had arrived and I was wrapping things up. Yet, here we are and I've already got a few more entries to add. At this rate of expansion, there's honestly no telling where I'll stop. I'll try to be reasonable though.

Huh...Not really sure what to say now. This has never happened before. Uhhh...

Who wants a hug...?

• No Prior knowledge of the movie
• No investigation into the movie
• I have to have never seen it OR not seen it recently enough to form an opinion
• Once the credits start (or I pass the 1:30 min. mark), there is NO TURNING BACK...
• No David DeCoteau movies
• And...*The Netflix Roulette Gambit* - After 10 movies, give the wheel a spin. Whatever unfamiliar title it lands on, I have to watch it

Where we'll stop? Nobody knows...

Halloween Horror Marathon 2014: Horror Soundtracks in Broad Daylight are Just Awkward

Man, this is nuts!! Just past the halfway point of the month, and I can guarantee that last year's record will be broken. And I haven't even had to fall back on Youtube or Hulu yet!!

It's becoming more widely known amongst people that know me that I do this every year, and the result is that many have and will make suggestions. I *LOVE* this!! It means that the people reading this are paying enough attention to know what titles are most likely unfamiliar to me! It means that people are reading this shit!!!! I can't thank you enough if you are. Keep those suggestions coming, and don't be afraid to go mainstream. Most of this stuff no one's ever heard of outside of the production teams that made it and no longer talk about it until a relative asks about "that movie you guys were making" at the Thanksgiving table--where all regrets resurface.

Exhibit A. The shame is palpable...

Anyhoo, let's get into it!

• No Prior knowledge of the movie
• No investigation into the movie
• I have to have never seen it OR not seen it recently enough to form an opinion
• Once the credits start (or I pass the 1:30 min. mark), there is NO TURNING BACK...
• No David DeCoteau movies
• And...*The Netflix Roulette Gambit* - After 10 movies, give the wheel a spin. Whatever unfamiliar title it lands on, I have to watch it

Let's see how deep the rabbit hole goes this time...

And Now for Something Completely Different...and Awesome!!

From time to time, I keep my mouth shut on certain matters out of...well, several reasons. Disgust, annoyance, apathy, distraction...any of a litany of responses, and that's why I've had nothing much to say about "Gamergate." The whole thing is just thinly-veiled misogyny from impotent man-children overreacting to a non-existent attack on the medium they grew up with. The thing is...We all did. Video games are a part of the culture that resonated with people across the board, not just the guys you grew up with. And while I could spiral into a tangent about the fetishization of the geek girl as a corollary, that's just a symptom of a problem that I don't even feel like addressing.

The very existence of this sock-puppet makes the case that you are, folks.

So why am I writing this? Because I feel like there hasn't been nearly enough focus on the positive things that the gaming community at large can do and is continuing to do in the wake of what is truly insipid and dishonest bullshit. And one in particular is taking place within days of my typing these words!

Story time!! A couple of weeks ago, I had the wild hair up my ass to throw a small get-together for friends to finally get a chance to play Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance. As the only person in my immediate circle of friends to finish the game, I wanted to share that experience with them. So, I proposed a day that we would devote to running through the entire game from start to finish. And these people were up for it!! I set up a Facebook event, sent invites, and we were good to go. Then, as I was about to go watch the season premiere of The Walking Dead with some of these fine people like apparently EVERYONE IN AMERICA, I watched a video on Youtube with an ad before it. Ordinarily, this would be annoying...but this was different. I don't even remember the actual word selection, but the idea spoke to me immediately!

Extra Life began in 2008 when a small group of gamers pooled their resources in an effort to make a difference in a little girl's life. Those efforts expanded within a year's time as they went on to raise money for a Children's Miracle Network Hospital in their area, over $300,000 to be exact, by playing video games for 24 hours to raise awareness and sponsorship. Since then, that group has expanded into a worldwide community of like-minded individuals as thousands of gamers, over 100 websites, and donors across the globe have joined in to help or show their support for CMN Hospitals near and far. To date, Extra Life has raised over $10 million in the aid of ailing children and their families. The best part...these efforts are still growing. That's where my friends and I come in!

When I learned about this, my interest was instantly piqued. That little get-together with a handful of friends suddenly became an opportunity to do something great, so that's what we're doing!

Never has my use of this image been as inspired...

The importance of the cause truly speaks for itself! By taking part in Extra Life, we have a chance to help kids dealing with injuries, cancer, cystic fibrosis, and every other ailment in between. I've always been of the mentality that if you can lend a helping hand, then there's no reason why you shouldn't. So, we formed "Team TNT" and started planning and restructuring. I owe my friends EVERYTHING for their endless support (especially you, JJ--check out his blog if you haven't already!!), and we're not only set to stream, but we've raised some money and a little awareness along the way!

You can find out more by following the links to Extra Life I've peppered this post with (holy shit, that sentence...). If you're interested in our efforts specifically, you can find us here:

http://www.extra-life.org/index.cfm?fuseaction=donorDrive.team&teamID=18946

There is no set amount that you have to give. If you've only got $5 to spare, that $5 still goes a long way. And you can always share the information about Extra Life and their efforts!

I'll post the link to the stream here on the day of the event. Until then...?

...I'm aping OSW's sign-off.