The Villain Voice: 2017

Friday, November 3, 2017

Halloween Horror Marathon: What Have We Learned...?

If you spend an entire month watching movies from one genre, you start to pick up on a few tropes. Yeah, I recognize that as the staggering understatement that it is. That you caught that doesn't make you better than me! Y'know...that was combative and I'm sorry. The truth is you build such a familiarity with the usual markers that each of these stories hit spanning across sub-genres that you could practically write your own paint-by-numbers movie after a while. In some cases, it shows that the film-makers did exactly that. But I digress...

I telegraphed that joke as much as you telegraphed your ending!

The more exposure to tropes of any genre you have just makes their absurdity more apparent, and that's why I'm here. Because absurdity is hilarious to me. That, and there are plenty of tropes or "rules" that most people already know about the horror genre thanks to Scream. But let me assure you that there are even more that those movies completely missed, the writers had no knowledge of, or they simply wound up playing into themselves. There are a variety of ways to survive a horror movie (living it or watching it), but they vary as much as the genre itself. And it always requires a legit assessment of the situation. So, where to begin...?

Well...

Halloween Horror Marathon 2017: Not a Fan of Cabins near Lakes...

Another year, another 100+ horror movies to watch. That's been the modus operandi for these past...6 years!? That really crept up on me. I might have to stop talking about breaking a world record and actually DO it!

Of course, trying to do anything you've never done before requires prep. So, that has been the order of the day. Or days. You get the point!

That's why the goal of this year's run was to test the extents to which I was able push while compensating for a social life, work schedule, and whatever else might arise. And that means that this year's marathon operated under different rules. Gone is the focus solely on undiscovered territory (for now), and in its place is the inclusion of entire franchises when and wherever possible. With these adjustments made, I can say that I learned a couple of things that should help towards the larger goal of watching more than 250+ movies in a single month!

As for this year's run...

It Follows - Beautifully shot, a little over-written/hamfisted so far, good job at creating sense of unease. But I've got a question: How the fuck'd he get up there!? You know what part I mean...
The Unborn - Did she just say "All-timers"...?
The Disappointments Room - There's an actual ghost dog in this...and bad writing...and cliches from top to bottom...
Dead Awake (2016) - So, teenage me would've kicked this thing's ass? You would too seeing as this is a common enough occurrence that documentaries about it exist.
Gerald's Game - That was the voice of Batman, wasn't it...?
Be Afraid - DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!! But really? Sleep paralysis from you too...?
Dark Signal - Largely aimless plot that only seemed to have its own climax in mind, but hedged their bets on what can only be described as laughably stupid.
Clown - Clowning...Not even once.
The Black Room - Why does this feel like it was written by and for sad perverts...?
Patchwork - There's a *very* slight rape-revenge vibe here, and it almost turned me away...until the "Owlcat"...

And you're probably thinkin' this starts weird...Just wait.
A Dark Song - You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes...you might find...you get what you need.
Train to Busan - So...That's a "no" on the glass doors then?
American Poltergeist - Can't tell if the writing, acting, or directing is bad? Why not all 3!?
American Poltergeist 2 - Just as bad as the first with a nonsensical jab at Obamacare to boot.
The Devil's Candy - Meh. Could've been worse...
House on Willow Street - That girl got a demon in her...
Demonic - Okay, movie, but you cheated to get that ending.
Dig Two Graves - Kids these days and their Faustian deals...
The Void - Not for everyone, but it's so good it should be!

This is the least spoiler-y image. You should watch this!
Let's Be Evil - A reinvention of the old "creepy kid" trope, is it?
Shelley - How is evil babby formed?
Don't Kill It - Dolph is trying at times, at least.
The Forgotten - That's a whole new meaning to "Too stupid to exist," I guess...
First Born - I mean...the old lady had a point though...
The Eyes of My Mother - It's like a case-study in unnatural decisions, ie. Why I hate most art films, but at least interesting and realistic enough.
The Duplex - The way you're handling this situation...kinda cringe...Note to self: Nigeria at the time of this film's production? HEAVY on the patriarchy...
The Devil's Dolls - And the award for Stupidest Cop goes to...Scratch that! EVERYONE in this is so dumb it's hilarious!!
Intruder (2016) - Wait. Is that MOBY!?
Antibirth - OH MY GAHD!!! WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOUR FAAAAAAAACE!?
Viral - This starts is out with a sassy black friend...So, expect antiquated tropes...
Blair Witch - I chose to watch a found footage movie. Knowingly. I deserve this.
Beyond the Gates - The throwback tone is immediate and deliberate, but I'm not convinced it was necessary.
Yoga Hosers - Kevin Smith deserves a stiff slap.
Asylum of Darkness - A 2-hour film that was 3 hours too long.
10 Cloverfield Lane - The ending gets a little silly, but it's otherwise great.

Challenge: Find ONE pic from this movie where John Goodman doesn't look like your disappointed dad.
Here Alone - It's getting easier to outshine The Walking Dead every week.
Boys in the Trees - Hey, soundtrack...how old is this movie again?
Raw - Live and let live, man.
Carnage Park - Quite the cop-out of an ending...
Cult of Chucky - Y'know, if you survived the rampage of a serial killing Cabbage Patch Kid, you'd probably be a gun-collecting survivalist too
Evolution (2015) - This is why I workout during some movies. Otherwise, I'd take naps...
The Charnel House - Parents should always be leery of imaginary friends.
Abattoir - Yet another case against small towns with some middling to awful performances to go along with the writing.
Havenhurst - It was only a matter of time before a movie involving H.H. Holmes came my way...
The Windmill - When you make awful people the main cast of your horror movie, I officially don't and won't care when they die. Why do some filmmakers not get this...?
XX - This is a unique perspective...in some cases, anyway. I didn't say *good* though...
The Axe Murders of Villisca - Denny feels like he was written as a 12 yr old.
Under the Shadow - Every culture hates ghosts. That's for sure...
The Similars - abbr. review: More arguing in a room than the average zombie movie. Interesting concept though...
Satanic - Justin Chon is pretty much always a bad sign. No matter the situation.
The Transfiguration - Reference to Let the Right One In from a movie that's very Let the Right One In. Right down to the loathsome bullies.
Tank 432 - Paramilitary groups barks their names at each other while occasionally shooting at things.
The Secret of Evil - Generic and forgettable found footage en Español!!
Charlotte - Bad anthologies are like a supernatural punishment of their own accord.
A Haunting in Saginaw Michigan - You can always trust a director that calls himself "Prozak"...
Jurassic Shark - This feels like it stars nothing but the director's friends and blackmailed professors.

Yes, this is the level of quality you're dealing with...
Death Passage - Do ghosts usually set rope and pulley traps...?
WTF! - Perez Hilton is still a plague upon anything he appears in or touches even in 2017.
616: Paranormal Incident - Paint-by-numbers found footage movie, and nothing more.
American Mummy - This looks almost as bad as it sounds...is written...is directed...was performed...
Alice, Sweet Alice - Are we supposed to think she didn't do it?
Raiders of the Lost Shark - "Based on a true story lol jk?" That should tell you how clever this movie thinks it is...
Prom Night - Almost unbearably slow...
Prom Night II: Hello, Mary Lou - Mary Lou has a real communication problem.
Prom Night III: The Last Kiss - Seriously, she has no chill. This probably could've worked out fine otherwise, Mary Lou!
Prom Night IV: Deliver Us from Evil - So...Colin is a moron and this is all his fault
Prom Night (2008) - This shouldn't exist.
Office - Hostile work environments, lemme tell ya'...
The Babysitter - This is ridiculous...in a "shrug/cringe" kinda way. Not terrible, but far from great.
Death Spa - What the fuck is Ken Foree wearing...?

No joke, I might actually want this and if you really love me...
It Watches - This is thoroughly worth ignoring.
Islamic Exorcist - If I knew I was signing up for propaganda, this would've been less disappointing...
The Amityville Exorcism - That man's daughter is the same age he is.
Ataud Blanco - Would you kill someone else's kid to save your own? Don't.
General Cemetery - Homemade Ouija boards? You should ALWAYS go with Parker Bros.!
We Are Not Alone - Standard fare in the haunted house genre.
Scream - "The first one was good. The rest suck." - actual quote
Scream 2 - Even the first kills demand too much suspension of disbelief.
Scream 3 - At least the attemp tat a conclusion was made...mostly for the worst. But this being a Weinstein production makes this a little uncomfortable...
Scre4m - Sidney has officially killed 6 people, including her teenage cousin. These movies want us to ignore that.
My Soul To Take - You'd get an immediate F on that report.
I Am the Pretty Thing That Lives in the House - If these walls could talk, they'd likely mumble pretentious nonsense.
Residue - I'll never get why transporters always look at the package.
Cube - Who filmed this community theatre production of a chamber play!?

Depicted here: The face I made for the next 2 movies
Cube 2: Hypercube - This is cartoonish garbage with a higher budget than its undeniably superior predecessor.
Cube Zero - This goes off the rails the instant a one-eyed man walks in...
The Possession Experiment - This main character has to be the most stereotypical Chad.
The Glass Coffin - This is a LOT of effort and planning to see a middle aged woman naked.
Cabin Fear - No one acts like an actual human, and the killer's identity is hardly a surprise.
Stay Alive - Disingenuous and hackneyed. Nothing more.
The Shelter - Is he gonna seek revenge against Jesus now...?
The Privileged - "The visual symbolism of the ending was too subtle," he said lyingly...
The Snare - Do these people not understand that there are options other than living in plague conditions...?
Razors - Nietzsche quotes...faith's already dwindling...and those knives look like a kitchen set...
24 Hours to Die - This is the best of the worst of 2017 for me.

One of 3 shots where the lead isn't smiling like a dope
Ravenwolf Towers - I don't like Costco Peter Dinklage.
Anomaly - Can't decide if the dad or the kids are the worst actors...
13 Demons - This movie ended on the same line that a DMX song starts.
The Gateway - Strange choice for the soundtrack, and the last jump-scare is lame, but otherwise adequate.
Friday the 13th (1980) - It feels longer than it is due to uneven pacing, but achieves its intended goals.
Friday the 13th pt.2 - This needed to justify its own existence, but the backstory gets a little muddled.
Friday the 13th pt. 3 - If ever there were a worse example of 3D filmmaking, I don't know what it is and don't want to know.
Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter - Somewhere, there must be Mrs. Jarvis fanfiction about her life after abandoning her kids...
Friday the 13th V: A New Beginning - This marks the 2nd "new direction" for the franchise to be discarded.
Friday the 13th VI: Jason Lives - The tropes most familiar to horror fans get played up the most in this entry, but knowingly and for the better.

And with that, the series finally found itself...
Friday the 13th VII: The New Blood - An odd entry in the franchise that still keeps the formula intact.
Friday the 13th VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan - Longer than it has any right to be...
Jason Goes to Hell: Friday the 13th IX - This is a mess, and possibly the worst of the series. Actually, subtract the "possibly."
Jason X - Talk about a narrative dead end...
Freddy vs. Jason - Competent enough considering the numerous ways this could've failed.
Friday the 13th (2009) - This is a collection of tropes from the perception of the series more than anything else.
The Neon Demon - Nicholas Winding Refn seems to have a high opinion of his own work that his films only almost earn. Almost.
Tales of Halloween - Okay, this got dumb really quick.
Society - There's a definite upside to being a social reject.
Die Hard Dracula - I may have spoken too soon on what's the absolute worst thing I've seen this year...
Pulgasari - He's a Cute-asaurus!!

I mean, LOOKATHIM!!!!
The Evil Gene - Would've been better if Lance Henriksen was in it...Then I care at least about why he was in it...
Fear, Inc. - This goes the one step too far in a bad way.
Fear of Clowns 2 - A chore.
The Prowler - Not exactly how I'd spend a vacation, but maybe I'm just no fun...

What a ride! Obviously not as many bumps along the road as years past, but the experience was well worth it for what insight I gained. The Friday the 13th marathon alone revealed so much. For example, it's entirely possible to watch 12 movies in a single day. That means watching over 250 movies in a month is a manageable feat...but it'll take some consideration and planning. Stay tuned...

Now, what of recommendations or honorable mentions? There are a couple this year!

It Follows, Gerald's Game, Patchwork, Train to Busan, Dig Two Graves, The Void, The Eyes of My Mother, 10 Cloverfield Lane, Raw, The Similars, The Transfiguration; Alice, Sweet Alice; Scream, Cube, Friday the 13th VI: Jason Lives, Society, and The Prowler

Anyone who's seen Night of the Living Dead will feel a familiar twinge of disgust...

And this year's worst?

The Disappointments Room, American Poltergeist 2, Intruder (2016), Asylum of Darkness, A Haunting in Saginaw Michigan, Jurassic Shark, American Mummy, Prom Night IV: Deliver Us from Evil, Islamic Exorcist, My Soul to Take, Cabin Fear, 24 Hours to Die, Jason Goes to Hell: Friday the 13th IX, Die Hard Dracula, and Fear of Clowns 2

He would do anything for love...but he won't pay the FX team...

I need a nap. Til next time...

In the meantime, go watch The Void. Have you seen The Void? Why aren't you watching The Void?

Wednesday, May 17, 2017

Mighty Myopic, Power Rangers: What Reboots Often get Wrong

Writing about this was never a plan of mine. I didn't even have plans to see Saban's Power Rangers (2017), but then I kept thinking about the concept of reboots seeing as it's something I've written about before to some degree. But through the lens of this particular production, it's hit me more clearly what reboots can and often do get wrong. But there is one thing that they've all been making a conscious effort towards that they're sometimes successful at pulling off: manipulating you.

I won't even get into hating these suits...but I hate these suits.

As per the usual, this is gonna require some explanation as to how this works. And I can think of no better example to cite for comparison than Devil May Cry.

To best understand where I'm coming from, let's get a little bit of context here. Despite the first entry of the series of games being released in 2001, the most important and definitive installment didn't come along until 2005 in the form of Devil May Cry 3: Dante's Awakening.

The inception of the series as a whole was already experimental in nature as the first game began as a prototype for the fourth Resident Evil game that had yet to be made at that point. Once the development team realized that the game they had on their hands was more action-oriented than they had initially intended, director Hideki Kamiya ran with the concept. Thus, Devil May Cry was born.

Mmmm...that's some premium early-aughts edge...

The experimental nature of the first game comes through in many aspects of its structure, so the core elements of the series hadn't come to the surface yet. The second game did little to better define the series, and the less said about it the better. Then...this happened...

Until this point, Dante was more of a blank slate than a fully realized character. Now, he had a personal style, purpose, a voice, a story, and all of it came through clearly. Possibly most important of all though...Dante had a rival.

The relationship with his brother Vergil defined both characters through juxtaposition on every level. Dante was known for wearing a red coat; Vergil wore blue. Despite being twins, Dante lets his hair hang down into his face while Vergil styled his up and away from his. Their personalities as well as their fighting styles reflect the contrast between them by being brash and aggressive and cool and reserved respectively. Even their choices in weapons, Dante primarily using twin handguns and a broadsword while Vergil opts only for a katana, frames an "East vs. West" dynamic. But there's another component to Vergil's role in the game/story...

There's a total of 21 "Missions" in the game, and you face Vergil as Dante on Missions 7, 13, and 21. At each encounter, he showcases a new ability or level of power that tests your ability as a player. But in the context of the game's narrative, Dante loses before fighting his brother a second time to a stalemate and only after their third battle does he manage to defeat Vergil. This presents Vergil as the true progression test of both the game and the character over the course of his arc. It also established Vergil as the definitive antagonist to Dante in the franchise.

So, when Capcom decided to reboot the franchise in 2010 and released the new game in 2013 (titled "DmC: Devil May Cry"), the rebooted vision of Devil May Cry brought back Vergil as Dante's greatest threat...sorta.

See, much of the reboot's presentation was heavily reliant on memory of the most iconic game of the series.

Look a bit familiar...?

But no aspect was as dependent upon Devil May Cry 3's popularity as the inclusion of Vergil. Once again, Vergil was positioned as the final opponent for Dante. There's just one problem with thi--Actually, everything about this is a problem. For starters, Vergil in this incarnation is never presented as your foe until the very last minute. These are two characters who had up until this point been allies, and had only ONE difference of perspective that immediately results in these long-lost twins descending into a fight to the death. This only makes the conflict feel less genuine since neither have any valid reason to leap to that level of intense anger. The reasonable thing to do would be for Vergil to dial it back. Especially considering the fact that he's never once presented as being capable of winning this fight.

That's right. Vergil, once the greatest rival to his brother Dante, is never a legitimate threat to the protagonist then suddenly positioned as the greatest challenge. No, really. Not even in flashbacks or over the course of the story. Dante is sold as more physically capable in every way, and it goes as far as Vergil literally needing Dante to save his life at points.

"Does that dip-shit really have his initial on the front AND dashboard of his car...?"*

So, why does this all matter? Because these changes were all made in the interest of differentiating the reboot and the original, but the changes themselves convey a misunderstanding of what it is that made these elements truly work. In effect, they lose what made the original material what it was to such an extent that it would probably be better off as a new property altogether. Which leads me to...

When reviews started coming in for the latest film adaptation of the first American adaptation of the longstanding Super Sentai franchise, it became pretty clear that this was gonna be a polarizing one. And let me be clear that I wanted to be wrong about this movie. I actually like it when I'm wrong. It's a chance to be surprised or learn something new, but my initial thoughts were that this was gonna be a visual cabbage fart. What I got in this movie was the drizzling shits. So...technically I was wrong, but in the worst way...

This is not a good movie, and saying it is immediately makes you untrustworthy.** The pacing of the events are at the rate of snail thanks to a 2-hour+ run-time, and EVERY character is terribly written and their motivations nonsensical (Honestly, what the hell is wrong with Trini's mom?). And while I could rail on the design of the new suits for hours (They're clunky and the mostly monochrome aesthetic has a hideous sugary glaze much like a Krispy Kreme donut), or really lay into how terrible the mech designs look, that's not why I'm writing this.

But really, what the hell is this?

I've written before about what makes an adaptation good or bad, and the long and short of it is a concerted effort to bring the core essence of the material to a wider audience. So, it can't only appeal to the pre-existing fan base or the uninitiated. However, this will always come down to the execution. And that's a major reason why context and tone are important factors...that this like many reboots completely overlook.

It's been a few years of this ever-present trend, so it's hard not to notice how often this happens. Much like with DmC: Devil May Cry, Saban's Power Rangers and many other reboots before it, there is lip-service paid to the idea of understanding and appreciating what made the original work. However, what you get is a product that says that you were a fool for liking this property as it was presented before since this new version is better because of the ways it's different. The new _______ fixes what was wrong with the original. Just one problem: There'd be no new _______ if there was anything truly wrong with the old one.

Otherwise, we'd be getting a new take on this...***

A MAJOR complaint that many have with remakes and reboots is that the properties being remade are usually familiar material that was or still is fairly popular. Does this apply to Power Rangers? Well, how did your theater react when this played?

My bet is it was pretty positive despite the fact that that moment doesn't match the rest of the movie's tone even remotely (**mild-spoiler**--Rita Repulsa never killed anyone in the show). Putting aside the fact that it was likely the first moment you felt like you were having fun while watching this overwrought after-school special, this was one of many nostalgia beats that movies like this always have. It's built to make you forget that the kid seeing this as his or her introduction to Power Rangers doesn't know or care that mentioning "Mariner Bay" is a Lightspeed Rescue reference. That kid also has no idea why these giant robots are in the shape of dinosaurs. The movie never makes that connection (Which is funny because that means they missed a more note-worthy nostalgia beat for a lazier one...but more on the laziness in a sec'). Worst of all, that kid doesn't really have a team of heroes to look up to in these under-written "misfits."

I challenge ANYONE to tell me what made these kids worthy of becoming superheroes. In a sentence, I can tell why the characters on the show were selected. All 5 members of the team displayed admirable traits that reached beyond themselves and their own personal pursuits. And them being selected matters. Without that element of a wise overseer forming the team, you end up with a quintet of "chosen ones." That's the WORST set-up for any kind of superhero because it says that heroes are only chosen by fate as opposed to having any merits of their own to begin with. Worse, it more strongly conveys the message that it's the gaining of powers that make a person heroic more than their character. Not even Spider-Man's origin expressed that sentiment, and everyone knows the lasting lesson Uncle Ben imparted...

Close enough...

It's also a startlingly lazy approach to characterization. The teens we are introduced to in this incarnation are mostly generic or worse, insulting stereotypes. Jason is a bland impulsive dope (which does nothing to help set up any relevance for Tommy Oliver as a character either). Trini is LGBTQ in press releases only (she has no on-screen love interest other than awkward moments with Zack, and doesn't like "labels"--There is no grounds for claiming she is a groundbreaking character!). Zack is an even more impulsive dope but with a tragic home life. Billy is on the spectrum...until he's not and devolves into a generic comic relief character. Then there's Kimberly...I saved the worst for last.

Of all of these kids, Kim is the grossest and most reprehensible human being. For brevity's sake, I won't get into the specifics. What I will say is this: If you do something illegal that causes harm to someone that considered you a friend, you don't have a right to be mad at them for being mad at you. You lost that moral high ground immediately. So, the instant Kimberly says "That's what you get" in the movie, she crosses the line from flawed but honorable into full-blown asshole.

You are human garbage.

And while there are plenty of things I could still point to (like the fact that they didn't even form the Megazord on-screen!!--toldja I'd get to that laziness thing!!), the cancer eating at the heart of this movie and other reboot attempts like it is simple. Saban's Power Rangers tries to fix the wrong things for the wrong people. I'm not about to pretend that the writing on Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers was rock-solid because neither you nor I are delusional. But that's the thing: The writing was flawed, but the concept and characters were fine. Nothing about those core elements of the show needed to be tweaked for improvement, and the choices to try and correct those things just make them dumber ("Rita Repulsa betrayed the rest of her team of Rangers, you say? With a name like 'Rita Repulsa!?' INCONCEIVABLE!!!"). By trying to course-correct the fundamental aspects of the property, what you're really saying is that the problem with Power Rangers is Power Rangers. And that's a line of thinking that can only appeal to people that never liked the show or stopped watching. It's also the kind of movie I'd expect from someone who clearly didn't wanna make a movie about Power Rangers...Well played. The result is a movie I don't wanna watch again.

And I FULLY acknowledge that this is ridiculous.

Look, the point of a reboot is revitalization of a property. I get that. But how can a revitalization ever truly work if the underlying belief is that the property isn't really worth it? There is always more to the material being redone than its nostalgic value. After all, that's the reason why people remember it fondly in the first place. Until there's a genuine appreciation and understanding of a property for what it was or is, the stage is always gonna be set for failed attempts at starting new franchises. The record speaks for itself.

I'm done.

*--The answer is yes. Yes, he does.
**--Enjoying a movie and it being good are 2 separate things.
***--There's maybe 8 people that even remember "Van-pires"...and I almost went with a pic from this!

Tuesday, March 21, 2017

The Accidental Subtext of Iron Fist

So...Just finished the first season of Marvel's Iron Fist on Netflix, and...

I've got BIG problems with the execution that are pretty far-ranging, but that's been made obvious by the fact that this entry even exists. There is definitely a lot to unpack, but let me get one thing out of the way first. It's not the absolute worst. There's certainly a lot to be desired, and I'll get to that, but the show is not complete garbage. It's not The Cape. That said, I'm about to air some grievances like it's Festivus. Spoilers ahead...

I've got A LOT OF PROBLEMS with this show...and you're gonna read about 'em!!