I'm genuinely so confused, angry, saddened that I don't know where to start. My browser crashed the first time I started jotting down my thoughts, so this is draft #2. The worst part is that I'm still no closer to any meaningful answers or any understanding in general than I was before. Even more frightening is that I don't think I ever will be...
This isn't right.
That's the thought that keeps flooding my brain every time I try to process the Zimmerman verdict. You can try to justify the results by pointing to the evidence presented in the case, and it still doesn't change the fact that EVERYTHING in this case is just flat-out wrong. The very existence OF a case is wrong. That's what I don't think people in favor or accepting of this verdict truly understand. I don't even care who attacked who first. The fact of the matter is this: George Zimmerman never should've been following Trayvon Martin in the first place.*
The obvious observation here is that a boy died that night in February as a result of events that he in no way set in motion. And with this verdict, the man that did is being allowed to continue his life from this point. Plenty of people have posited how differently things would have played out had the roles been reversed. I myself posted a status asking how differently this case would have been viewed had Trayvon Martin been a girl instead of a boy. The point in doing so is the same across the board. It points a spotlight on the fact that this tragic series of events was all set in motion by wrong and unjustifiable decisions on Zimmerman's part from start to finish. Even the claim of self-defense holds no weight when levied against the fact that he would have no need to "defend" himself had he not been there at all. George Zimmerman placed himself in that situation knowingly, and with knowledge of the fact that he was armed with a deadly weapon that could be used if he saw fit. And unfortunately he did...
When I think about this case, I can't help but view it personally. I think of the numerous times I've been stopped by police officers and made to indentify myself while I was simply walking home or someplace as innocuous as Walgreen's. I remember the time I was late to rehearsal because I was stopped and questioned by cops for carrying a backpack (carrying scripts, btw) as I cut through the remainder of some 9/11 rally in The Vista. I recall times when employees in stores tailed me at the age of 10, or having some woman's body stiffen and/or her hand grip her purse a little tighter as I walked by at the same age. Instances where some guy walking with his wife, sister, or girlfriend would noticeably change positions to make sure that he was in between her and myself as we proceeded to walk in different directions. Countless examples in day-to-day life where I had people that knew nothing about me immediately assume the worst without warrant. I remember the feeling of internalizing those insulting assumptions. Knowing that I can't turn that line of questions back at the police officer or even vocalize my disgust or frustration because then I come across as threatening. I think about these things in the context of Trayvon Martin's encounter with George Zimmerman because I see the so-called defenses of Zimmerman. I saw the defense in this court case try this dead child, and that child lost based on these kinds of assumptions.
I don't feel like it's as clear as it needs to be what this verdict means, so let me clarify. For George to be found not guilty of even manslaughter is to say that he is not lawfully responsible for Trayvon Martin's death. Meaning that because Trayvon fought back, Zimmerman was technically defending himself. What this result fails to address is the question that leads to the most disturbing lingering question of this case. First, exactly what was Trayvon Martin supposed to do when he found himself confronted by a strange man who had been following him and is NOT a police officer? When you think about that question, it leads into a much broader question that I'm not the first to ask but is nonetheless the most important:
What do you tell your child if he is a young black male?
That question looms over every aspect of this case and any other instance like it, and the implications make me sick. Many defending this verdict would have you believe that Trayvon was equally wrong for fighting Zimmerman that night. Well, that's a lie. The very thought is born out of the idea that Zimmerman was first justified in following and confronting this boy, but he wasn't in the slightest. He had nothing to base suspicions upon because he didn't know this kid. Therefore, he had no legitimate reason to tail him or even call the police at all. It was raining that night. If George Zimmerman was a decent human being, the first thing to cross his mind would've been to offer this kid a ride home. The world would've been a much better place if he had those kinds of intentions.
I had to get this out of my system because the mentalities and status quo that led to the death of this high school junior have lingered and effected lives long enough. Some people are going to want to "put this behind us" or "move on," and I respectfully say to any such person that you can go fuck yourself. Do NOT be silent. Don't stop talking about this or any scenario like this. Talk longer and louder. Talk so much that this case and this boy is never forgotten because wounds don't heal through negligence. We don't learn or better ourselves as a whole by NOT acknowledging our flaws and missteps. You don't get to tell those that have been wronged how they should feel or react. But more important than that, we can't move forward and won't without first fully recognizing our basic humanity.
*- I said that since day 1...
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